TARDIS Creche
by Lancelotlaureate
Summary: The Doctor has the headache of a lifetime when his former companions are turned into children.


"Doctor, what's the emergency?"

Clara stopped in her tracks as she walked into the TARDIS. She stared open mouthed in shock as she witnessed a large group of children running around the room. The Doctor was chasing one of them and snatching back some sort of gadget from the child's hands. "Stop that Chang Lee!"

"Doctor, where did these children come from?"

"Oh thank goodness you're here," the Doctor said as he struggled to remove two children who were wrapped around his legs. Both little girls couldn't look more different- one was fair haired with wide brown eyes and wearing a pink playsuit, the other was a sporty little girl with golden hair and wearing a bomber jacket. "You worked with these things once, I need your help."

Clara helped him gently shake the girls away from his legs and then watched as they darted away for amusement elsewhere joining a girl who was sitting quietly examining the Doctor's plants.

"Yeah that didn't answer the question. Why are there like fifty kids in the TARDIS?"

"Well…technically they're not children, well they are but they're not supposed to be. Clara I'd like you to meet my former companions."

Clara's face showed a look of utter confusion. "But they're kids."

"Well they weren't when I travelled with them obviously. I tried to do a bit of work on the machine I've been tinkering with. Instead of inputting data about my past companions it transported them all here, for some reason it also decided to send them to me underdone."

"They can't be much more than five or six years old."

"I know, awful isn't it? I'm trying now to fix my mistake and send them all back. I've got the brain box ones in a study group under the console trying to help me."

Clara spun around to look at a group of children who were all huddled with various books under the console unit. "Hello," she said softly as she approached them, bending down to their level. "Are you helping the Doctor?"

One of the little girls with a mass of brown curls nodded vigorously. "We've been sent here by mistake and need to look through the data."

"We're having a lot of fun," a girl with strawberry blonde hair added.

"Girls can't do the maths problems though," the little dark haired boy of the group said, sticking his tongue out at the girls. His black long hair fell into his face and his nose was runny.

"I see you have a gold star already on your shirt," Clara said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a tissue for him. "But girls most certainly can do maths too so let's all work together yeah?"

"It keeps them quiet," the Doctor said as he grabbed a child swinging from the console. "Dodo, get down from there, how many times do I have to tell you? Do you want to live up to your namesake and be extinct?"

Clara allowed herself to smile for a moment at the image of him chasing a six year old but failing to catch her. Her smile turned to a frown the moment she saw a baby in a nappy sitting on a play mat surrounded by another child who seemed to be looking out for him. The older child was a pretty dark haired girl who seemed to be wearing what Clara thought looked like some kind of toga.

"Doctor, why is there a baby?" She instinctively picked up the baby into her arms and bounced him up and down gently. "Explain."

"Oh that's baby Sgt Benton, he came out baby sized again."

"Again? Never mind, can we just try and get these back to their parents before the intergalactic cops come to claim them?"

"Good idea, send the ones with parents home first, less questions."

"Doctor!"

"Excuse me," a little girl asked interrupting the many questions she had for the Doctor. The girl was dressed in a pretty pink frilled dress and was looking up at her with the biggest eyes Clara had ever seen. "Are you my new governess?"

"Uh…I suppose so, until we get you back to your home."

"You're pretty."

"Thank you, so are you, what's your name? I'm Clara."

"I'm Victoria."

"Well that's a very nice name."

A little blonde girl came into view, her pigtails swishing from side to side as she marched with determination. She had mud smeared on her cheeks. "I'm Vicki, but it's just short for Vicki."

"Nice to meet you, why don't you take Victoria to play with you?"

Vicki nodded and grabbed Victoria's hand. "I bought a pet with me. Do you want to see him?"

Clara laughed as she saw the girls head off towards the corner of the room. She glanced around, watching as the Doctor sat with the 'brain boxes' under the console. He had one child sat on his lap, a little brunette girl reading a history book. She smiled at the sight and then reminded herself that as sweet as it was to see the Doctor's paternal side, there were many other children still roaming free around the TARDIS ready to cause havoc.

She walked a few paces and stopped at two children who were fighting. The well groomed blonde girl was crying and yelling. "He's picking on me!"

The little fair-haired boy who was dressed as a sailor, stuck his tongue out. "Polly is a spoilt brat, she's picking on me more like! 'ere have you seen my mummy miss?"

Clara knelt down and looked at the boy. "Now, there's no need to make fun of other children is there? And do you know that sometimes it can be seen as you actually liking Polly when you single her out for attention?"

The boy grimaced. "Ew no, I don't like girls in that way, they're yucky."

"You're the yucky one, and you smell!" the well groomed blonde girl said back to him before they ran off chasing one another.

Clara next approached a group of kids who were quietly drawing with some crayons and colourful pens. She laughed as she noticed that one of the boys was covered head to toe in glitter. He was writing his name on his sketch book, which read 'Mickey' but the 'K' was backwards. There was a red haired girl next to him who seemed to have a gift for drawing and making things and the little golden haired boy next to her was copying everything she was doing as if he was infatuated with her.

Sensing that the arty kids were fine, she next approached a boy standing on his own in the middle of the room as if on guard duty. She stared in astonishment at him. "Doctor, why has this boy got a moustache?"

The Doctor stopped what he was doing, letting the brunette girl off his lap and approaching Clara. "Oh that's the Brigadier."

"He's got a moustache, he's six?" She leaned down and inspected the boy's face. "Wait a minute- this is drawn on with some kind of ink."

"I couldn't get used to him without facial hair, it felt all wrong."

Clara was speechless but before she had time to construct a response there was a tug at her trousers. She spun around to see a boy wearing a cardigan and little brown trousers, his hair parted to one side.

"Hello," the boy said politely. "I was wondering if me and my friends could have something to eat. I'm Ian Chesterton."

"Oh I might have known it would have been Chesterfield making the first demands," the Doctor said, looking down at the boy with examining eyes.

"Well we have to eat mister. Barbara might feel dizzy for not eating all day."

"And who's Barbara?" Clara asked with a grin. "Your girlfriend?"

Ian smiled and blushed. "I hope so but I don't think she wants to get married just yet. I did ask but she said she had her career to think of first."

Clara laughed. "Good for her, but maybe she still thinks you're a good friend."

"I hope so."

She was interrupted again, this time by a small scruffy boy wearing a kilt. "Everyone keeps calling me a girl."

"Don't worry sweetie, just ignore the teasing, they're just jealous as you look so good."

"He's wearing a skirt!" a little ginger haired boy taunted as he walked past.

"It's a kilt!" the scruffy boy replied, pouting.

"I think its cute, can I have a one?" said a little blonde girl wearing a dungaree dress. "I'm Josephine, I'd love to have my own kilt. What is a kilt?"

Clara sighed as her attention was drawn to several fights that had broken out amongst the children. On one side of the room three kids were arguing over a simple stethoscope.

"Harry! Martha! Grace! Put that down!" the Doctor was shouting. "That's my property!"

On the other side of the room a child with an Australian accent was sitting on the runny nosed little boy, shouting at him that she was going to kill him. They both screamed when a girl came into view holding what looked like a knife. Clara raced forward and grabbed the knife from the little girl before she had a chance to use it. "How the hell did you get this?" Clara was breathless with worry.

She hid the knife away, rubbing her head in tension as she continued to watch for more fights among them all. The Doctor was hardly helpful as he shoved a curly haired blonde girl and a boy wearing a military coat into a cupboard. Clara ran over and opened the cupboard door.

"Doctor you can't just hide away the loud ones."

"Why not?"

There was a scream. "Hold that thought," she said as she turned to the direction of the hollering.

"Give me back my bear!" said a little boy in a striped jumper. "That's my panda bear toy Wi-Fi!"

"I saw him first," a bossy ginger haired girl said, folding her arms. "I'm going to tell my gramps on you."

Clara stepped in between them. "Why don't you play together with Wi-Fi, I'm sure he'd like that very much," she said trying to be the voice of reason. As she turned to walk away, she bumped into a boy running around playing soldier.

"Are you alright, what's your name?" Clara asked.

"Michael Yates."

"Stay out of trouble Michael. God I really must make a list of everyone's name, this is gonna be a long day."

…

When Clara had managed to learn some of the names and settle some of the arguments she approached the Doctor who was now alone after his study group had got bored of him and opted to play or nap instead.

"Any luck on getting the right codes to get them home?"

"Nearly there, and I will be so relieved to get my TARDIS back to normal, these kids are a handful."

"I've been the one doing all the babysitting! Quick question, why is there one girl sitting all alone in her own playpen?"

The Doctor turned to look at the girl who seemed to be the smallest of the group. She had ebony hair and a wide curious smile that lit up her entire face. "Ah well that's Susan."

"Your granddaughter?"

The Doctor nodded before seeing a child sprint past him. "Dodo stop that! Get out of the wardrobe!" he shouted after her but gave up soon after.

"Well Susan's very cute. I can see she's got some special treatment here."

"Well she's far better behaved than the others. My influence has probably got something to do with it."

"I just got some others to have a nap, though that little Mel was hard to get to settle down, adorable little thing but wouldn't stop jumping about. I am going to need a nice break after this day at the TARDIS crèche."

The Doctor ignored her remark and jumped up in glee.

"Ah there we are. I think I've figured it out, maybe I should double check with Zoe or Romana just to make sure?"

She watched him run off to find the girls and waited patiently by the console, keeping a close eye on everyone.

"Clara round the kids up!" the Doctor called to her from the other side of the room. "Time for bye byes!"

She nodded and asked all the children to stand to attention and follow her to where they would finally get to see their mummies and daddies and guardians. As they noisily got up into a line, several of the kids were pointing at Ian and Barbara who were holding hands.

The kids began chanting. "Ian and Barbara, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!"

"Shut up," Barbara shouted back at them as her cheeks flushed.

The Doctor returned with Zoe and Romana at his side. "Right are they all ready to go, two by two onto the ark and back home to their loved ones?"

Clara checked her list and did a head count. "Oh wait, someone's missing. Where's Sarah Jane?"

"She's gone off investigating," said Harry rolling his eyes.

"Has she indeed?" Clara said with a sigh. "Sarah? Sarah?"

"Yes," Sara Kingdom replied, folding her arms with impatience.

"Oh sorry darling, I meant Sarah Jane. Where are you Sarah Jane, you have five seconds to get out here or we're going without you!"

A sheepish Sarah Jane appeared from behind the hat stand and joined the ranks, punching Harry on the arm as she did so. "Tattle-tale."

As the children stood all holding hands and in a line, the Doctor and Clara watched as with a white beam of light the group of children slowly disappeared from the console room as if they had never been there at all.

But the Doctor and Clara weren't alone, something had gone wrong. In the console room completely naked and adult sized was Sgt. Benton looking very embarrassed.

"Oh not again," Benton let out as he darted behind the console, trying to hide his modesty.

"I don't want to know," Clara said, shoving the Doctor with her hand. "I'm off to have a bath."


End file.
